Self Love Is Not Selfish and 43 Ways To Practice Self Love
My mother was screaming, shouting, and shaking me awake. I thought something terrible had happened, so I jolted out of bed. She stormed out of my room yelling “Get up! You have to take me to work!”. That got a big fat “Huh?” from 16 year old me, who just woke up and didn’t have a lot of brain cells to begin with. Screaming, she told me that her car wouldn’t start and that I would have to take her to work. Because of where we lived, I knew I’d have to go straight to school afterwards. So I spent about three minutes brushing my teeth, only to be interrupted by a screaming mother telling me that I was SO selfish. I explained to her that I was just trying to quickly get ready for the day and I was sorry. She yelled at me to “go to hell” multiple times followed by “You are so selfish!”. After a silent drive, I dropped her off at work where she slammed the door and yelled “you are so selfish” one final time.
I felt so broken that I didn’t go to school that day.
It’s hard for me to understand the concept of self love when this is the environment I was raised in. Even after countless hours of therapy and coaching I still fumble when someone asks me what I do for self love. Self love as a concept sounds great—giving and nurturing the self, but in reality, with no one showing me how to do it, some days I feel extremely lost in what it all means.
The thing that I’ve come to realize is that self love is all about intention rather than the task itself. Perusing Pinterest makes it seem like self love is something that can be purchased, and I think sometimes it can be purchased. But only if the thing being purchased will be used for good, for nurturing, and for loving you. If it feels good and it’s fueling your soul, then it probably counts as self love.
So as much as I’m writing this for you, I’m writing this for me too because self love is not selfish.
Here are 43 things that count as self love.
Waking up early because it feels good.
Sleeping in because it feels good.
Getting guacamole on your chipotle burrito even though the guac is extra.
Taking a bubble bath.
Taking a shower.
Brushing your teeth.
Reading a book that interests you.
Putting on clean clothes.
Making your bed.
Lying in bed all day.
Getting out of bed.
Buying a new shirt that looks bomb on you.
Taking a selfie (and talking kindly to yourself about it).
Drinking a glass (or two) of water.
Walking outside.
Walking barefoot.
Watching your favorite show.
Eating “healthy” food.
Starting a puzzle.
Petting a cat.
Snuggling a dog.
Giving someone a hug.
Looking at yourself in the mirror (no negative self talk here).
Drawing.
Taking a photo of a flower that you like.
Going grocery shopping.
Baking a cake.
Making dinner.
Ordering takeout.
Washing dishes.
Leaving the dishes for tomorrow.
Dancing to your favorite music.
Watching squirrels and birds.
Eating chocolate.
Wearing a house robe.
Eating “junk” food.
Putting on heels.
Looking at old photos.
Deleting old emails.
Ignoring your email.
Organizing your closet by color.
Eating an apple.
Digging in some dirt.
Realistically, I believe that anything can count as self love if you approach it through kind self talk and being gentle with yourself.
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